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from Parenting & Family
'Dear Abby' Recommends PFLAG And Transgender Resources To Troubled Parent
March 22, 2005 - In a "Dear Abby" column on March 15, a concerned mother
wrote for advice about her daughter Dallas who has decided she's an "out"
lesbian.
The mother asks: "What's the correct way to deal with this?"
Columnist Abigail Van Buren responds: "What your daughter needs right now is to
know that you love and approve of her. You must be doing something right,
because she is assured enough about who she is that she feels safe being open
about it. Congratulations on that."
Van Buren then recommends that the mother contact PFLAG (Parents and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays) and to join one of its many support groups. She also tells
this mother she should use additional resources on "younger children who exhibit
gender-variant behaviors and interests." She recommends the Children's National
Medical Center, which offers a booklet titled, If You Are Concerned About Your
Child's Gender Behavior, by Catherine Tuerk, Edgardo Menvielle, and James de
Jesus.
The booklet notes: "Children do not choose to have gender-variant behaviors
anymore than other children choose gender-typical interests. Both types of
interests represent what comes naturally to each child. Gender variance is not
caused by an emotional disorder. However, because of societal prejudice,
children with gender-variant traits may experience ongoing rejection, criticism
and bullying caused by adjustment difficulties."
The authors of the booklet say that gender-variant behaviors cannot be changed:
"What drives gender-typical or gender-variant traits cannot be changed through
the influence of parents, teachers, coaches or therapists. ... we strongly oppose
parenting approaches or therapies that focus on pressuring children to change
and accommodate to a stereotype of how a girl or a boy is 'supposed to be.'"
NARTH Scientific Advisory Board member Dr. Sander Breiner warns against any
programs that attempt to normalize gender variant behaviors. "The serious
problem with programs [like the National Center] for children who express gender
problems is their misguided help and their lack of understanding of the
psychosexual development of children," said Breiner. "The various mild to major
symptoms that are expressed in the many periods of childhood can produce some
serious--and sometimes permanent--repercussions. Any child who has [gender
variant] symptoms deserves a careful evaluation by a trained child therapist
(psychoanalyst preferred) who is not a homosexual."
Catherine Tuerk, one of the authors of the National Medical Center booklet will
be a keynote speaker at the "Beyond 'Pink or Blue' Gender-Variant Children &
Youth" conference hosted by the Wisconsin Association for Career & Technical
Education on May 7, 2005. Her topic will be: "Making Schools Safe and Nurturing
for Gender-Variant Children." PFLAG of Milwaukee is helping organize this
conference.
If You Are Concerned About Your Child's Gender Behaviors--A Guide For Parents,
Children's National Medical Center. Authors: Catherine Tuerk, Edgardo Menvielle,
and James de Jesus. NARTH's article, "The World According to PFLAG: Why PFLAG
and Children Don't Mix," explains the PFLAG agenda.
Updated: 8 February 2008
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